Mommy blogger: Sharon van Wyk

The blog: The Blessed Barrenness

Read Sharon's blog here: www.theblessedbarrenness.co.za

Sharon, when did you start blogging and why?

I started blogging in June 2008, so I’ve been blogging for about 3 and a half years now. When I’d started my blog, we’d been trying to conceive for over 5 years already, I’d had 6 miscarriages and a number of fertility treatments including 3 IVFs.

Initially I started my blog as a way to purge some of my toxic feelings and thoughts surrounding our struggle to become parents. But the more I wrote and the more readers I got and comments I received, the more I realised how my feelings and thoughts on our infertility journey were quite “normal”.

That I wasn’t alone. That I wasn’t the only one going through these awful experiences and that I wasn’t alone in feeling the way I did and coping the way that I had.

My blog helped me to feel “normal” under extreme circumstances. With my transition to motherhood my blog morphed and developed into a place of hope for other women like me.

I’ve also kept blogging as a record for my daughter one day. I want her to know how she was longed for, I want her to be able to read first hand all the joy we experienced when she was born. I want her to know how her mere presence healed my broken heart. My blog has become such a way of life for me I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to quit it.

Did you ever go private?

Yes. I went private just after Ava was born. Being new to the world of adoption, I became paranoid about who could and would read about her. I was unsure of myself as a mom, trying to find my feet. Our adoption happened quickly, 3 weeks from starting the counselling to taking our daughter home and I felt very vulnerable.

The transition to motherhood after a turbulent journey through infertility was difficult for me and I often felt attacked by some readers, most especially the hurting souls still walking the infertility journey, when I expressed how I was struggling.

So to feel a little more protected, I made my blog private for about a year.

What’s been the best and worst things you’ve got out of blogging?

There are a few “best” things: I’ve made friends in the computer. I’ve received lots of support and advice. I’ve felt heard and encouraged and it has been hugely fulfilling for me to have our story, our journey become a beacon of hope and inspiration for others walking a similar path.

I have loved that our story of adoption has touched so many lives and other childless couples have been inspired by our story to adopt and to be a part of so many happy and completed families.

The worst thing about blogging would be the trolls. The online community does offer a certain amount of anonymity which does seem to give some people license to say and behave in the most appalling way, to say such mean-spirited and hurtful things that they would never say in “real life”.

But as my online persona has matured, I’ve become better at ignoring and not feeding the trolls.

What is your most popular post?

My page titled Journey To A Miracle, which details our 7-plus year journey through infertility and on to parenthood receives the most hits and I believe this is because readers who land on my home page are interested to find out how it all began.

My most popular post is a post entitled How To Irritate a Birth Mother & Adoptive Parents and it details some of the often ignorant but hurtful assumptions and statements that people make about adoption. I think it is popular because it is insightful for both those waiting to adopt, family and friends of those who are waiting to adopt and also because a number of birth mothers have also linked this post on their own personal blogs for readers to view.

Ava’s birth story (The Day the Universe Changed) is also very popular. Our incredible birth mother requested that I be with her when she gave birth and it was the most beautiful, terrifying, love and awe-inspiring experience of my life.

Do you worry about invasion of privacy?

I’m very careful about what I share on my blog. While I am a fairly open person, my blog is a mere snapshot of my life. There are loads of things I don’t share, for example, the details surrounding Ava’s adoption have never been shared on my blog, or with anyone in person.

These details are private and are Ava’s story for her to share when she chooses. I do worry about privacy issues and about the number of nutjobs lurking on the Internet so I’m very careful about what is shared.

What do you want your blog to achieve now?

Since embarking on the adoption journey I have learned that there is much ignorance surrounding the reasons why birth mothers’ place their children for adoption, there are a lot of misconceptions out there and I feel lead to play my part in helping to educate people about what a beautiful thing adoption is.

I’ve also learned that a number of people see adoption as second best to having a biological child; I’m a woman on a mission to bust all these myths and misconceptions. It’s become very important to me that birth mothers receive the love and respect that they deserve and that my child be treated with the love and respect she deserves and not as some object of pity or second choice.

She was not unwanted; she was very much wanted by both her birth mother and by us. I also want other infertile couples to know what there are alternatives to fertility treatment and that the world of adoption is not as bleak as what it’s often painted to be.

That is not to say that everyone who is infertile should pursue adoption but I’m talking more to those who have had many treatments without success, for those losing hope of ever having a child to call their own.

My blog is also my record and a record for Ava. So that she too will know, in my words, what she means to me, how she changed my life, how our lives were always so intricately intertwined, how we were always meant to be together.

I want her to know how special she is, how she healed my shattered heart, and what my journey to her meant to me.

My blog has helped me feel like a “normal” mom. Because I became a mom under unique circumstances, I often don’t feel “normal” or like I fit in with other moms. I can’t have a conversation, give advice, sympathise or share anecdotes about pregnancy, birth or breastfeeding. But I can participate in blogging discussions surrounding all the trials, joys and tribulations of being a mom, through my blog and through my interactions with other moms on their blogs.