The adoption option
Adoptive parents overwhelmingly report experiencing tremendous joy and satisfaction from adopting, and in most cases consider an adopted child as fully “theirs” as a biological child.
The decision to adopt is not taken lightly and usually involves much soul-searching on the part of the adoptive parents. There are many considerations including the race and age of the child, as well as the fact that you will have to undergo intense scrutiny to ensure your suitability as a parent.
The process of adopting can be stressful and frustrating, especially if it follows a long period during which a couple has tried to conceive and have had come to terms with not being able to.
Private adoption agencies offer services such as counselling of birth parents, counselling of couples, screening of applicants for adoption, adoption placements, international adoptions and home studies, family adoptions and post-adoption aftercare.
There have been many changes in South Africa regarding adoption in the past few years, including changing social and economic circumstances, birth fathers’ rights, a specified waiting period before finalising an adoption and the legalisation of abortions.
How does it work?
South African law requires that prospective parents be screened and every application is considered individually according to circumstances. The screening begins with an interview and involves a full psycho-social assessment by a social worker.
You will be required to furnish your social worker with various documents, your life history and photos of yourself. This becomes your profile and is subsequently used to match a child with the adoptive parents.
Once applicants have been fully screened and accepted as potential adopters, they are placed on a waiting list until a suitable child becomes available. The waiting period depends on what your parameters are in terms of the child you are looking for.
Closed adoption
In a closed adoption, the adoptive parents have no contact with the birth mother and it is only the social worker who deals with her.
Open adoption
In an open adoption, the birth mother and the adoptive parents meet and have the opportunity to get to know each other. The adoptive parents also have a number of choices in terms of what they are willing to pay for and how they want to support the birth mother, including such things as court fees, social worker’s fees and medical costs.
As much as there are strict protocols and legal requirements, there is also a degree of flexibility that is supportive of the emotional and psychological outcomes of adoption. In some cases, the adoptive mother can opt to breastfeed with the help of medication and techniques to stimulate breastmilk production, and she can be present at the birth.
There is a window period of 60 days during which the birth mother can change her mind and ask for her baby back. This is a period of extreme anxiety for the adoptive parents.
Families often find themselves in circumstances where children need to be adopted by either step-parents or other family members. It is helpful to explore these issues with a professional person before embarking on the legal process.
What about the birth mother?
The decision to give a child up for adoption is heart-rending and takes great courage. It is important for the birth mother to avail herself of the counselling and other services available to ensure she gets all the emotional and practical support she is going to need.
Adopting a child is a difficult process but if you are armed with the right information, a strong professional and emotional support base and the right frame of mind, the journey towards parenthood can be made much easier.
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Comments - 11 comments
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Im a black lady frm pretoria and im 7months pregnant im looking for a loving couple to adopt my baby in an open adoption. U can contact me on [removed]RentiaPret
Ons het n seuntjie aangeneem via n oop aanneming aangesien ons die ouers geken het. Dit was n lang en moeilike pad omdat die mamma dinge moeilik probeer maak het. Maar die Here weet wat Hy vir boetie wil he en ons het na n jaar en paar maande die saak gewen! Die aanneming is geregistreer en sy name klaar verander! Mammas kan gerus met my chat oor aanneming as hul wil!Hamied Salie
Hello, my wife and i have would love to adopt a baby,been married for 11 years and would love to know and feel the joy of holding our own litttle one,can you help us. Thank-youFarahnaaz
We adopted a little boy on 23/04/2009 , he was born 01/01/2009. I have laways considered myself a strong woman , but after only one round of insemination and one IVF , I could not see myself doing it again.The emotional strength that it takes ........... Now our son is going on 3 and beautiful , happy and healthy. He's had his challenges , developmentally and now a speech delay , but we have faith that Allah(God) has planned his course and plotted his road to triumph and success. We would not change him for the world , he's ours in every corner of our hearts , he take us to our "happy place" every night coming home from work and seeing his beautiful little face , with those cute spectacles, oooooooh , that's our son! My husband had reservations with adoption and said that he could not promise that he would love this little boy as much as he would his own , well it took our son less than 24 hours to win his dad over , now they are totally besotted with each other. He starts creche in Janauary 2012 and thinking about a sister for him to play with soon. I would recommend adopting a child to anyone , they fill that little space in your heart , you know , that space that longs for the touch of little chubby fingers.Chantalle Wilson
Hi there, Something you might consider including in an article on adoption is information on things like: - claiming UIF if you adopt a baby (I only found out I could too late) - right to maternity benefits if you adopt a baby - how medical aid works for an adopted child (and the Discovery Vitality Benefits for Adopted Babies - again I found out too late I qualified for these benefits) There is plenty information on the screening processes etc on the internet. But what benefits etc. you qualify for are not mentioned at all. Regards, ChantalleChantalle Wilson
My husband and I chose to adopt our little girl and it was the best decision we ever made. She has taken over our world and holds a very special place in both our hearts. It was difficult for our families at first to accept that we had chosen to adopt, however, once they met her they all love her to bits (never had so many visits from family as this year ;)). We read up a lot to prepare for the process and found books to educate our parents on the process too. We were fortunate to meet the birth mother and spend time with her. And the day she placed my baby in my arms, was definitely one of the happiest days of my life. Our daughter has been in our care since she was four hours old and we have not looked back since - people keep telling me she looks just like me ... I just keep quiet and smile to myself :) The screening process is tough and sometimes feels like an invasion into your privacy ... However, sometimes, I just wish everyone had to experience that before having children. There are so many children out there who are born into circaumstances that are not acceptable ... I work with a children's home and see the damage that is done to children who are born to parents who are not able to cope with caring for them.Sharon
I adopted a baby in 2010, she was 5 months at the time I brought her home. It took me years to finally start the process due to all the bureaucracy and red tape in the system. I wanted to do it through a private agency, but later decided against it and did it through the Jhb Welfare Services. As a single parent (widowed) and an 18 year old daughter, I thought I would not be considered, that the process would take even longer and frustrate me more, but to my surprise I was not discriminated against due to my marital status. I went through the motions, all the processes, felt despondent at times, but I never gave up. The whole process amazingly took 7 months, something I did not expect. On the day when I met my angel for the first time, I was told that if I don't want the baby, they would look for another baby. That really hurt me so much, because I felt it would be so unfair towards the baby and saw it as double rejection. I prayed alot about this and when I got the call to meet my baby, I was convinced that she was the baby God blessed me with. She is almost 20 months and an absolute joy! I started believing in the system and due to my experience, a few friends decided to follow because they could see the positive results.Walker
Alicia, if you want to give a child a home, why is the skin colour an issue? Surely God wants all children looked after & raised in a loving family, not just the elusive white baby? The bible talks about children being a blessing from the Lord, not just white children.Alicia
Me and my husband are in the process of being screened as adoptive parents. We firmly believe that it takes an extremely good mother to give her child up for adoption. Clearly she shows an inner strength which very little of us have. It takes someone who really cares deeply about their child’s welfare to acknowledge that they cannot give the baby whatever is needed and provide that little treasure with the ground stones of growing up at a family that can do so. We sincerely believe that parent ship is a privilege that GOD will never deny anyone especially when the intended parents have pure motives for the child in their care. Although HE does not allow all of us to have one of our own I believe that it is part of HIS bigger plan. God knew that there will be helpless children in need and therefore had to keep some of HIS special children (adoptive parents), who HE knew will be capable to excel in taking care of these little ones. Although the stats are made clear to us and we understand the limitations of adopting a white baby especially when regarding the fact that I already do have two (nearly grown up 15 & 18) children from her previous marriage I believe that GOD will not take the chance away from my husband to have someone calling him daddy. He so dearly deserves to be called daddy. He will most definitely be the best daddy this world has ever seen. He is an extremely kind, generous, GOD Loving and dependable person who lived his life to serve GOD. Why would GOD not give him this? He will be any child's dream father. To make this worse we do not have thousands and thousands to spend on "buying" the favour of the birth mother. We do have a stable income and the ability to live comfortably but we do not have banks full of spare cash that waits to be used. I've read lot of messages from adoptive parents clearly stating that those with the most money get chosen first. In actual fact I believe that we are very settled and I know from taking care of my sister's baby during a difficult time she experienced that I now am much more relaxed and self confident in looking after a baby. The fact that I also do know what it is to have a child of your own are in actual fact making me believe that the baby we adopt should grow up with the truth. I will ensure to keep the birth mom updated if this is what she wants and also give her details to her biological child on a suitable age in order to prevent the placing of newspaper/huisgenoot articles in order to find each other. We fully believe that the birth mother suffered enough by giving up her baby and we will definitely consider her wishes for the babies future (within the law off cause and not to the expense of the little one) In our house there will definitely be love and cherishing in more than triplicate as the older brother and sister are as excited as us and will definitely spoil their little brother or sister rotten If GOD has a child booked for us no stats or human predictions will stop HIM from delivering that child to us. GOD surely knows that we will be wonderful parents who will be able to provide in all the needs of such little one in need. With constant love and attention any child can have a perfectly healthy emotional and physical childhood. In the end the main ingredients for any child to flourish are LOVE, discipline, Security and routine. We have been through the school of life. We are homely with no destructive habits and will be able to provide any child with all the above and a good measure of stability. We are secure in our knowledge of being able to bring up a little one to the satisfaction of any onlooker but most important to the approval of GOD. It does however sometimes get to us to know that the waiting list for white babies is extremely long and that chances are very slim. We already have all baby equipment and clothing for up to 2 years and the cot in our room ready this is how big our faith is but in the end we are human and then we take a dip of worry and doubt. The next day we get up again and start all over. Believing and praying. This is a roller coaster ride but believe me the day we get that little baby all the hardship will be forgotten immediately and joy will overflow the rest of our life’s. I would like to hear from: Other adoptive parents - maybe this will give me a bit of hope to hear your stories Mothers that gave up their babies or intends to do so - we've been told that most birth parents wants their child to be with a couple with no other children and that chances are that we will never be picked. In our case however our children is independent and soon to be out of the house going on with their own futures (don't worry we are still under 40. I also had my first child at young age) Your baby will therefore be even more treasured. We no longer go out to parties and will never leave the baby with baby sitters etc whilst younger couples are still very active with their own needs. I guess what I actually want to hear from you is if you would have considered us as potential parents for your child?Elizabeth
Children placed for adoption are NOT 'unwanted children'. Birthmothers WANT to parent their children. But, usually they are not able to provide a safe and stable home due to financial reasons. Therefore, they make an adoption plan to provide a better future to their child with another family. Ayone that calls these children UNWANTED does not understand adoption! It is a wrong, ignorant and hurtful comment. 'Unwanted children' are put in dumpsters or are killed through abortion - 'wanted children' are placed in loving homes through adoption.Stella
What will happen to the baby during the 60 days window/wating period. Does the baby stay with the adoptive parents after the birth mother give birth and her consent?