Choosing a birth partner

Giving birth is a life-altering experience and the one thing you shouldn’t have to do alone. Aside from the actual physical reasons why a qualified birth practitioner such as a doctor or midwife should be present at your delivery, it’s also a profoundly emotional time for you and the support from a birth partner, be it a husband, a doula, a family member or a friend, can make a significant difference to your birth experience.

Continuous support during pregnancy has its benefits

Research shows that women with continuous support need fewer painkillers and have a better chance of experiencing a normal delivery.

It also suggests that women are much more positive about their labour experience, find it easier to adjust to motherhood and are less likely to suffer from postnatal depression if they receive support from a birth partner.

The birth partner

Of course, your baby’s dad is usually the number one choice of birth partner, but often this is not the reality for many reasons. If you’re single, the chances of dad being there to support you are minimal.

But even if you’re in a solid relationship, your partner may not cope with seeing you in so much pain or have other issues about seeing you give birth. This is where you might want to consider choosing someone else (your mom, a friend, a doula) to help you through your labour.

The best case scenario would be to have your partner there, as well as another, more supportive birth partner, but this is not always possible and depends hugely on hospital policy.

How to choose a birth partner

You should have a very open and trusting relationship with your birth partner and the person you choose should be able to offer you unconditional support before the birth, at the time of delivery and after the delivery.

A supportive birth partner is imperative

Your birth partner should be kind and supportive. Always remember that choosing a birth partner is a personal decision and you don’t need to explain your reasons behind your choice. If you’re a single mom, your birth partner should respect that and she should not try to influence you with her opinions.

Remember, giving birth often leaves you feeling weak and tired so it’s not the time for you to deal with any unnecessary stress or emotionally draining situations.

This is why you need to make sure that both you and your birth partner are on the same page and that she understands your needs and expectations regarding labour and delivery. That way, you don’t have to spend unnecessary time and energy trying to convince her of your choices.

Your birth partner should know your birth plan

Your birth partner also needs a copy of your birth plan as she will become your voice during the birthing process. She needs to be confident, assertive and have good communication skills as you will be relying on this person to stick up for you during the often painful and stressful labour process.

Your birth partner should be flexible enough to fit into your schedule

Time wise, your birth partner should be flexible enough to fit into your schedule, especially if you’re a single mother and reliant on this person only. Make sure that you choose a partner who won’t have difficulty leaving work at a moment’s notice and who is organised enough to get up and go as soon as she gets your call.

Your birth partner should be accessible

Make sure your birth partner is accessible and doesn’t live kilometres away. She needs to be at your side at a moment’s notice and travelling half way across town in peak-hour traffic will become the biggest obstacle in an emergency situation.

Also, you need to find out about your hospital’s policy regarding the limit on birth partners before deciding that you want all your siblings or best girlfriends present. Most medical facilities will only allow one person into the labour room with you.

Your birth partner should understand the labour process

Whomever you choose as your birth partner should have some understanding of the labour process and you should definitely take this person along with you to antenatal classes. Be sure to discuss the impending birth with her on a regular basis – anything new that you learn should be passed on.

Your birth partner can be expected to:

• Provide a never-ending supply of positive emotional support through words of encouragement and reassurance.
• Provide physical support by helping to keep you comfortable, bringing you snacks and drinks, and walking you around when you need to get up. 
• Provide an advocate role by answering questions for you when you can’t answer them yourself
• Supporting your birth plan during the birth process, talking you through the labour and reminding you of all those little things you learned in antenatal class but have since forgotten.

Professional birth partners

What is a doula?

The word comes from Greek and means “hand maiden”. Doulas are experienced women who are hired to act as birth partners. They have no medical qualifications so anyone can call themselves a doula, although there are now training courses available specifically for them. You can find one
at www.doulas.co.za

What is a midwife?

The word midwife comes from Old English and means “with woman”. Midwives have helped women deliver babies since the beginning of time and references to them are found in ancient Hindu records and in Greek and Roman manuscripts.

A midwife is a healthcare professional that provides an array of healthcare services for women including medical histories and gynaecological examinations, contraceptive counselling, prescriptions, and labour and delivery care. Providing care during labour, delivery, and after birth is a speciality of midwives that makes them unique experts.

Both a midwife and a birth partner will coach you through your birth, and often, midwives end up delivering the baby if your doctor doesn’t get there on time. The hospital where you give birth will provide you one. For more information on homebirths, please go to www.earthbabies.co.za

To read first hand experiences from mothers who have used doulas, midwives and other birthing partners, go to page 2