Am I ready to be a mom?

Common pregnancy dilemmas

Most women feel some anxiety about their impending motherhood at some stage. Here some experts help you through some of the common dilemmas.

I hate the changes in my body and if one more person strokes my tummy, I’m going to hit them.

Solution: “A woman’s body image plays a very important role in her sense of self-esteem,” explains Durban psychologist Dr Allison Sampson.

“For some women, the changes that take place in pregnancy such as waist thickening and breast enlargement are daunting and totally off-putting. You can get around some of the anxiety of your changing shape by reminding yourself that it is temporary and that the changes are good – and completely necessary – for your growing baby.

“You can also cultivate a positive body image by wearing nice clothing you’re comfortable in, keeping fit and taking care of yourself. But people do also tend to treat pregnant women differently and often don’t think twice about touching a complete stranger.

"It’s usually well intended but if somebody approaches you and you don’t want him or her to touch you, put your hand up to signal that you need some personal space. You are also well within your rights to step back saying, ‘Excuse me, I feel crowded’.”

I feel like a beached whale and my husband clearly thinks I look like one, as he has no interest in sex.

Solution: “There are profound changes that start taking place the minute you fall pregnant,” says Cape Town gynaecologist Dr Janet Cole.

“You might only notice the changes a couple of months down the line, but things are happening from the very moment of conception. You can’t be a little bit pregnant! Inevitably these changes will affect your libido and sex drive. Women vary enormously. Some feel like sex more, while others lose interest completely.

“Partners are usually a bit nervous and think sex might be dangerous, but unless there’s bleeding, there’s nothing to worry about. You need to be innovative and try different positions. It’s important to keep some sort of relationship going because when the baby arrives, sex is often the last thing on your mind when you’re up 4 times a night and completely exhausted. Sometimes women use being pregnant as a good reason not to have sex and I feel like they’re asking me to write them a sick note!”

It’s not that I don’t want help and advice, it’s just that every man and his dog feels it’s his right to pronounce on any and every subject relating to pregnancy and birth. What can I do to stop the onslaught of personal stories?

Solution: “Pregnancy seems to bring out the best and worst in people,” laughs Sharon de Wet, mom to 2-year-old Emma. “I got so sick of hearing childbirth war stories.

My friends told me about urinary incontinence after vaginal birth, a stranger at a party told me about her haemorrhoids, and some guy in the parking lot told me I looked tired and that I was probably anaemic. It freaked me out, but then I chatted to my doctor and she told me it wasn’t unusual and that I should just stop them before they warmed up by saying, ‘Thanks, everything’s fine. My doctor is taking good care of me.’ That helped a lot.

I also decided to do some of my own reading to find out what I was comfortable with. That way, when somebody launched into a topic, I could counter it or it was like water off a duck’s back – meaningless.”

Click on page 2 to read advice on bonding with your baby, pregnancy niggles, life after baby, dealing with in-laws and breastfeeding issues